Kirk-o-Pedia Entry 1C – Universia Officers



Name: Universia Officers (individual names not valid)

Race: Human Clone

Universia Status: Beta


When the Government of Universia was first formed, the number of civil officers assigned to take care of the general admin was high. They were the ones charged with designating incoming ships the relevant ports, checking immigration statuses, and making sure supplies were fully stocked. However, in spite of the race which took the position, they were found to have too much free will and, therefore, were prone to laziness and slacking off.

Therefore, the Government of Universia invested in a cloning program to replace all civil officers with basic clones. While there was much consternation over this mass redundancy, the Government of Universia vowed that their roles would be, and we quote, “re-designated in a way that suited their skills and experience”.


Once all these staff members were assigned to Grub Lord’s and O’Malleys’, the clone officers were put into their roles.


Each clone is, from conception, a fully grown adult human male, of average height, weight and appearance. They are a blank slate upon creation, and sent to the relevant skills class to develop their expertise in the areas in which they have been assigned. This can range from Supplies Officer, Records Officer, or Waste Officer.


All Universia Officers have no strong feelings toward their life, with the exception of the stoic loyalty to their role. They are not known to experience any emotion aside from a strong sense of duty, and do not have need for food, drink, love, adventure, or bowel movements. While early clones had a life-span of 30 years, recent models have been classed as, and we quote, “near immortal”. This has caused great joy for the Government of Universia.


Not so the employees of Universia’s many fast food chains. But then again, Universia Officers have no need for fast food, so interaction between parties is rare to non-existant.


Side note: do not try to engage Universia Officers in humour, debate, or argument. You will not succeed, and will more than likely go mad with frustration. If this does occur, please direct yourself to the nearest Mental Health Officer as soon as possible.

(To see more of the Universia Officers in action, read Kirk Sandblaster’s adventures on Kindle & Paperback today.)


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